Its 2am, I should be sleeping.
I was wondering whether it is easier to deal with the death of a loved one, if it is sudden as opposed to being given advance notice.
I was leaning towards sudden death. It's not nice being given updates on a loved one's waning health via social networking, in fact it sucks. Also I am really not good at dealing with grieving in front of the person you are grieving for. Its vulgar. And then there is the perceived obligation to "tie up loose ends", "make your peace" and all that gaff. I am really more of a sweep it under the carpet and let's never speak of that upsetting/embarrassing/my life-is-a-disappointment-to-you moment again.
How do you act? what can you say that doesn't seem over dramatic or too flippant? I don't want to talk about my grades, or the weather, or your latest bad medical news, I just want you to stop dying.
Then I realised, yes, I'm self absorbed, "Oh my God you're dying? This is really affecting me". Yes, I am uncomfortable faced with mortality, my own and anyone elses. BUT... So is the rest of society.
Go into any newsagent's, there is the get well soon card, and the condolence card, and nothing in between. Where is the "I'm sorry you won't be here for christmas" Card? Or "So your doctor just changed your prognosis from six weeks to two days?" There is no Larson cartoon for the occasion.
Hallmark has failed me.
Dear friends ...
5 weeks ago